The Primary President from Hell

I never would have thought that I'd have the privilege of meeting the worst primary president ever, but I think I may just have found her. And in my  very own ward. Who wouldda thought it. Not me, that's for sure.

What happened, you ask? Oh, let me tell you...

Mrs. Primary President had been a little strange to me from day one. She never really introduced herself, never really was particularly talkative or inquisitive about my children, nor did she bother to explain how they run their teeny tiny primary of currently still 8 kids. Nothing. However, she asked me the first Sunday we were there wether I could teach Sophia's Sunbeam class (since there was one other little girl present that day). Well, since I was new, sick, and suck at teaching kids, I said no, but volunteered Henry. I then added that I don't want him alone with the kids though, and that I'll find someone else to be in there with him. Ever since that day, I think things have been bad with that president.

She tried to organize a formal class for Sophia (the only sunbeam, since the other kid basically never comes), and I said I'd rather have her in nursery for that one hour with the other two kids who are only 5 months younger than her. I could tell she didn't like that.

Then almost 2 weeks ago, I was looking at some sticker chart that they had in the primary room that Sophia wanted to see. She asked me if we were memorizing the Articles of Faith with Sophia. I said no. Anyway, that day it turned out that Sophia somehow didn't get a sticker in primary and it made her sad. I figured it was the whole sticker/articles of faith thing. So even though I think memorizing stuff is not a very effective teaching tool at all, and definitely not something I need to waste my 3-year old's time on, I asked Sophia whether she wanted to earn the sticker and learn an article of faith. She said yes.

The next Family Home Evening, we sat down with her and helped her learn the first one - in German. Since we do everything in German in our home. Then, last Sunday I proceeded to talk to the Primary President after Sacrament meeting to find out about what they do in regards to passing off those Articles of Faith. I figured Sophia could tell her in German while I stand there, and then I can let her know whether she got it right or not. But when I told her that Sophia had learned the Article of Faith in German, she informed me with a smile that "we don't speak German in Primary". I just about passed out. I then said that I don't have to bring my kids to primary then, to which she replied that that would be fine. Double gasp.

I was so shocked that I just left. I was in the hallway fuming, and then figured I probably just need to calmly address the matter, see if I offended her, resolve things etc. But when I tried to talk privately with her, she just said that I had been "unhappy with everything from the beginning", that I had been very aggressive about Henry not being alone with the little kids or Sophia not being alone, and in essence she told me that any exclusion Sophia experiences is my fault because of how I handle things ( I guess she meant me speaking German to her). I left crying.

After days of raging, I tried to figure out what the problem could be to meet such unreasonable resistance. I thought maybe she just felt  misunderstood and unappreciated. Maybe she just couldn't quite understand where I'm coming from, or simply didn't know how to deal with a foreign language situation. I figured, with some love, and listening ears, and careful conversation, certainly the matter could be resolved. So, yesterday morning I brought something to her house that she wanted to borrow from Henry's parents, and figured it'd be a good opportunity to talk. I asked her a little bit about where she grew up, lived, her family, etc. sympathized with her husband having fought in Vietnam, and so forth. I asked her what her perceptions were of our first encounters, and apologized for anything that may have hurt her feelings. I explained that I hadn't been unhappy with anything, and why I felt very strongly about my kids/husband not being alone. I explained that I didn't expect her to take care of those matters. Then I turned the conversation to the whole language thing.

To make a long story short - the lady wouldn't budge. I explained how much it matters to us for our kids to learn things in German. I explained how it's an international Church, how wards and temples across the US and world accommodate all kinds of languages. I offered options (I can translate or stand next to them as Sophia passes off, I could print the Articles of Faith, etc.). To no avail. She said I brought my kids to America, and in America we speak English. When I tried to show all the various Church places who don't live by that policy, she said that they had people who spoke either both languages or had enough people to have Church in their own language. We didn't have that. Then she looked at me all serious and asked whether I really expected her to accommodate our child (like that was an outrageous expectation). I said yes, since it's a small thing I'm asking. She said if it's so small then it goes both ways, and certainly Sophia can do it in English. Then I tried to explain that Sophia was 3 and she was an adult...But at the end of the day, no matter what I said, no matter what I explained, she was firm  with Sophia not being allowed to pass anything off to her in German, or pray in German or whatever. Wow.

Wow.Wow.Wow.

I've never met someone like this. I also haven't felt as angry as I've felt in the last days. I honestly want to punch this woman in the face right now, or say some very hurtful things. I want to stoop to the lowest and meanest levels I'm capable of. I cannot even start to say how upset I am  by her behavior. But apart from her blatant discrimination against my children based on language, the really telling part has been to me that in all of our dealings and conversations, in all of this, not once, NOT. ONE.SINGLE.TIME has she mentioned Sophia, asked about Sophia, or in any other way suggested that Sophia actually matters to her. Actually, I guess she made clear that she doesn't matter when she said it's fine if I don't bring my kids. She has not even suggest or mentioned to maybe discuss the situation with her counselor or pray about it or who knows what. She simply felt the had the authority to tell me how it's happening, and that I'd just have to deal with things.

I really, really, really, really cannot describe the grief, frustration and anger this situation is causing me. I actually don't want to make a scene. But there is no way on earth that I will let her get away with discrimination against my children like this, nor her utter lack of concern for her primary children. The war is officially on. Tomorrow I'll be talking to the Bishop. I don't know if it'll help, but I'm praying and hoping that he'll be reasonable. However, his wife is the president's counselor, and best friend, and backed her up, so...I don't know. If he won't listen, I WILL take it to the next level, but I don't feel optimistic about that either. I do feel that our Church has an overall sucky track record for really addressing and resolving conflicts and problems. And the few times where they try, I think the tendency is to stick with the leadership (because afterall leaders are more important than other members, and programs are more important than the people the programs are supposed to serve...).

I'm just so superpissed. I hate feeling forced to change my life for a nasty person like this. We're considering attending an other ward. But obviously that will come at a great expense to us. Of course, I could just drop the issue, and continue on in my ward, have Sophia learn the articles of faith double, or not at all, and just do our thing. But the fact that I already know that my child is not appreciated, loved or truly cared for makes me VERY uneasy having her in that environment. Clearly her leaders aren't looking out for her best interest. Why would I do that to my child to put her in such a place. Especially if she's the only little child (all the other kids are 7 years and up). It's just a stupid situation. And more so because they called a lady from Hell as primary president.

Goodness. I cannot fathom how heartless and unchrist-like some people can be. I just pray that I can make sure that in my frustration over this, I won't put Sophia in the line of fire. But there will be fire. The lady from hell unfortunately picked a fight with the wrong person. Bring it on, Sister Valentine - Bring. It. On!