Is My Blog Dying?

It's a question I keep asking myself frequently these days. I feel like I'm not motivated to write anymore. And when I do, it really is often like a journal entry - facts, captured mostly for myself, in case I need to revisit.

Ahhhh...What to do?

Well, I don't think this post will change anything. I just felt like writing. I felt lonely. I was thinking, and then I just want to write. I think I figured out my goals for the year:

- sincerely pray for the spirit each day
- be kind to Henry by being less critical
- play with the kids for 1 hour each day
- walk/go outside each day
- improve our diet

That's it. Well, actually, I think it's a lot. But those are the things I want to focus on. I feel like I've been very critical of Henry lately. I get overwhelmed at times (or simply bored) with being alone with the kids 24/7 or something and dealing with the same stuff overandoverandoverandoverandover again. And then, when Henry comes home, right when I just finished wrestling with the kids to be able to make dinner or something, I just don't have a lot of loving lovey-iness left in me for him. And I just blow up over everything and nothing. It's not really the way to strengthen your relationship, so I think I should try a different method.

I figured that my relationship with Heavenly Father can also use some improvement. Recently I feel tossed about, and with trying to remove myself from the cultural aspects of Mormonism, leaves me feeling unsure and alone at times. And full of doubt. I realize I need to fully rely on Heavenly Father. I need to be humble. I must not rely on my own wisdom/flesh/whatever. So, I try to figure it out, but it's not always easy, and it's not always clear. And even when/if it is, doing things differently than others always comes with the uncomfortable aspect of...well, sticking out and I don't know. It's just hard for me. I want to be closer to Heavenly Father. I want to feel the Spirit more strongly, and trust in that guidance, rather than my own clever/silly ideas. I want to be able to love others.

Geeze, writing all this makes me thinking that becoming more Christ-like is really exhausting business.

Anyway, I also wanted to do a review of sorts on the year. But now I'm already getting tired. I was driving today and thought about how I posted a billion pictures or so about Sophia during her first year, and that I only captured a fraction of that with Alba. Which is a shame, because she's the cutest, happiest, cuddliest little almost-one-year old I know. Such a sunshine. She seriously is always happy and laughing -unless she's hungry, tired or in a new place. Then she just stares, or cries.

Ok, so no written review. Well, maybe a few highlights:

•  Alba's birth (Feb. 27, 2011)
• Henry surviving the VA
• Henry graduating
• lots of family visits
• family reunion on Henry's side
• starting the process of buying our own business (practice)
• finally earning some money instead of loading up on the debt
• Sophia turning 3
• Sophia reading her first couple of words
• Alba learning all the typical baby stuff
• Mom running a marathon
• Alba's toe crushed with a weight
• packing up our whole apartment
• simple Christmas as a family
• 3 new computers within a few months

Life is good, I think. How about some pictures?

 I could go on indefinitely, it seems, and post pictures of all the happy moments. I'm glad to realize as I go through my files to see  how much happiness there is in our lives. It's good to remember that even though at times my life seems to be made up solely of dishes, laundry, meal provision, and worries about making ends meet, that it's probably just as full of laughter, hugs, kisses, and time spend together discovering the world.