What Blueberries and Grocery Store Bathrooms Have in Common

Well, I'm not sure what they usually have in common. But today, they had a lot in common for me. After a long traveling day yesterday, we were a bit tired today, and we also had an empty fridge. We'd been gone for a week in AZ, and gotten back at midnight last night. Anyway, so this afternoon, we went to the grocery store to get some food.

Sophia and Alba are usually really good for grocery shopping. And so they were today. However, when I was basically done shopping, Sophia remarked that she HAD to go pee. I hate taking my kids to the grocery store toilets, partly because it's a pain to leave the cart somewhere, carry the baby in the carrier, etc. But alas, when nature calls, you'll drop everything and run just so you don't have an accident in public. Because, I certainly didn't have any wipes, pants or panties with me.

So, off to the bathroom we went. After a rather insignificant tinkle, Sophia declared that she was done. Ok. We went back to our cart, ran off to grab 2-3 more items, and were just about done - when Sophia told me she had to go to the bathroom again. Really? Hmph. Well, I told her to hold it because we were really just about done. At that point she told me she had to poop. Grrrrrr...Again, I told her to hang on and we'd be almost done. A few minutes later though, she made it clear that she really had to go. So, again, I left the shopping cart, grabbed the baby in the carrier, grabbed Sophia and ran for the bathroom. As we ran I kept asking her if she was still holding the poop, which she affirmed. But by the time we entered the bathroom, she walked funny. When I asked her if she had pooped, she said yes.

I wasn't pleased. At all. But little did I know that the worst was yet to come.

I dragged Sophia into the handicapped stall, dropped Alba's car seat in a corner and pulled down her pants. BAD IDEA! She had the worst diarrhea poop ever. It was running down her legs. It was spilling out of her pants onto the floor, and most importantly and conveniently, there was no toilet paper int he stall. I flopped Sophia onto the toilet, and managed to smear poop all over the toilet as I did that. Then I hunted for toilet paper. Then I tried to clean the toilet while cleaning my kid's bum while trying to not get poop all over my hands. It was sick! It was a complete mess. Eventually I realized I won't accomplish much with Sophia sitting on the toilet, so I got her off again, but as she got off more poop spilled out of her pants/tights and onto the floor. So, we had poop on the floor, poop swimming in her pants, and poop smeared all over the toilet. I started a frantic clean up, and then conveniently had the toilet not flush, and instead almost flood the stall (with poop water, naturally). Ahhhh....

Eventually, I managed to pull of Sophia's underpants and tights, but they were covered in poop. I had no bags, nothing really to hold anything like this. So, I had the ingenious idea of rinsing them out in the sink. Another BAD idea. The first sink had a crummy old faucet that basically just dripped. By the time I realized how bad of a choice that sink was, I had already covered it in a fair amount of poop. Then I tried my luck with another one. That one had a great faucet, but...the drain caught all the poop crap, clogging it up in no time. So, now the sink was filled with poop water, and I still had nasty, crapped undies and tights. So sick.

By now Sophia was just standing around in the stall, half-crying, with toilet paper sticking to her bum, and poop slowly drying and encrusting itself to her skin. So, I ran out to ask the cleaning lady for the bath room (who just happened to be outside) if she could fetch me some grocery bags.

I bagged the poop clothes. I started draining the sink by swiping out the poop particles with toilet paper. This was possibly the worst part of it all. I had to just reach into the poop water. It also took forever because the faucet would automatically turn on each time I tried to reach in with a handful of toilet paper to soak things up. It made it all extra long.

Then I had to clean up Sophia's legs and bum, which was also a huge ordeal. The poop would hardly come off, and wet, thin toilet paper really isn't the best scrubbing tool. Eventually I just had her come out to the sinks, naked bum and all, so I could just really get her wet and cleaned up. It left a mess on the floor, which I then also had the pleasure of cleaning. Then I had to put her in her jeans, who were only mildly soiled, with no underpants. And finish our grocery trip by paying for our stuff, and then frantically searching for my phone only to remember I had left it in the bathroom, where I took some pictures for Henry to show about my worst child care experience EVER!

I feel bad for Sophia. She tried to communicate that she really needed to go. I didn't listen. And then I really didn't handle the incident well. I was pretty livid, and Sophia sure noticed. But regardless, this was SO disgusting. It was seriously a flood of poop. I'm sure the cleaning lady was thrilled when she found the stall with the toilet borderline overflowing, full with crapped toilet paper, and poop smears everywhere.

And what do blueberries have to do with this? Well, Sophia had tons and tons of them yesterday. That's what Henry just told me. Which I wish I would have known. Because we already know that lots of blueberries give her the runs.

I'm sure in 20 years or so I'll laugh about this. But man, this better not happen again for at least another 20 years. Poor Sophia though. Seeing how she was the one swimming in poop, she really was a trooper!