The story of my life...seems to be that no matter what, no matter how hard I try, or not, there will always be people who seem to not only misunderstand me (misunderstandings happen), but have to take something, misunderstand it, and then turn it into something negative. Bleh. Anyway, it's becoming painfully clear to me that certain sides of me simply cannot be shared in certain settings, not even a blog like this, because some people don't have the ability to simply not read something they don't enjoy or disagree with, and then let a person who they don't really understand or cannot really understand just based on written word, be. And I'm just tired of it.
So, I'm planning on starting another blog. The other blog will be only for anything that could even remotely be construed as controversial. If it has as much as a "c" in it, I'll post it on the "controversial" blog. I'm still happy to share that side of me, but I'll only do so with the elect few. Basically, only those I feel can handle it. The blog won't be private. I just won't inform anyone of the address, unless I think you're able to handle it.
This blog will become a typical, cheesy, Mormon mommy blog where I'll post all the gazillion pictures I take of our supercute kids, and talk about our sweet, perfect family life. That's it. Nothing that makes people have nightmares at night because it talks about something a bit more meaningful than the cool rolls you made for dinner. Yup.
Sorry for the sacrasm. I'm hurting a bit. I had a conversation today that left me on the verge of tears, and made me want to never come/go to RS again. Even though nothing hurtful was said or certainly intended (I truly appreciate and care for the person with whom the conversation took place), it somehow communicated nonetheless that the way I am spells trouble. That I'm controversial, or rather that what I say in RS is controversial. It sounded as if there had been a complaint about me from a RS sister. And there was concern for the testimonies of newer members (who may what, lose their testimony because of my comments?)...
How is it that sweet, tear-jerking falsehoods aren't "controversial", but honest questions or thought provoking comments that are just as doctrinal sound as anything are "controversial"???
At any rate, I just wanted to cry and never come back to RS again. I'm so tired of the judgmental, unchristlike attitudes that get espoused in Church most often by those who claim to be so devoutly following him. Urghhhh! Church is such a huuuuuuuuuuuuuggggge challenge for me right now. And just for you out there who read "Church" and equate it somehow with my testimony, the gospel or whatever. No. I'm not talking about the gospel, which poses no challenge at all. I'm talking about lame lessons, stupid culture, and people who don't necessarily reflect much of the things we supposedly believe as Mormons.
I can't wait to move.
If you want to read the "controversial" blog, let me know in a comment, and I'll consider your request. I'll email you the address of the blog if you're considered "worthy". :)
Monday, August 8, 2011
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23 comments:
I often was thinking about, steping back and make a retreat into privacy, because of the sometimes hurtful ignorance and hypocrisy I am facing, but that would make the others winning. And I don't want that - also for the integrity of the church. So never give up & never surrender!
Am I worthy?
Oh Fran. I'm so sorry you had a terrible RS last week. I always enjoyed your comments in RS... I hope I'm "worthy" of your controversial blog. (:
I hope that you guys will be able to move sooner than later! Ah, Franzi, I love you and "get" you, so nothing you say offends me or makes me upset. I agree with you that we are all responsible for using our brains to think about things and figure things out so that it becomes something that we know for ourselves and have tested through correct means. And, unfortunately, there is an awful lot of culture that is involved in the church in every place that I have ever been to or talked with people about (in every country), and it often gets in our way of seeing people in a truly Christlike way. There have been many times that I have thought of how few people there probably really are that get the real gist of the gospel and don't get hung up on all of the unimportant, small things.
Hang in there, friend! Oh, and let me know if I'm "worthy" :-)
I know I've not been lurking about the blog world long, but I would be honored to be included in reading the thoughts on your new blog.
I am sorry about your difficulty with the RS pres. I can come up with any number of possibilities as to how it came about, but it wouldn't be helpful because I have so little information about it.
I am glad, however, that you are moving to a new ward. Hopefully things will click together better.
I'm curious to see if you'd consider me worthy:)
I don't know what to say Fran. Truly, I can't say that I know what you're going through, but I am sorry that you are going through it. I'd like to read your controversial blog. I know I don't always comment on them, but I do enjoy reading the conversations and reading your point of view.
This is my first comment on your blog (and since it is already late in Germany and I am too tired to think in English, here comes a German comment.)
Los geht's ;-)
Ich habe dein [darf ich das überhautp sagen? your löst das Problem eleganter ;-)] Blog durch FMH gefunden, als ich auf der Suche nach Informationen über die LDS-Kirche war. Die gesamte Familie meines amerikanischen Freundes ist LDS und Blogs haben mir sehr geholfen so einige Aspekte der Kirche zu verstehen.[Ja, mit in der Kirche war ich auch einige Male, sogar mit zum Konzert der BYU Young Ambassadors in NC, hehe] Punkte, mit denen ich "Probleme" hatte, habe ich u.a. durch deine Kommentare auf FMH besser verstanden oder halt gemerkt, dass ich nicht alleine so denke.
Dafür vielen Dank - und bitte nicht davon abhalten lassen!
Das wollte ich nur mal kurz loswerden :)
Vera
Oh may I?
I wish I was in your ward, I'd make "controversial" comments with you.
It drives me nuts that people can make what I view as "controversial" comments and everyone goes right along with it, but it doesn't work both ways. Bleh. (I'm having a bleh day- so I keep typing that...)
(I hope I'm worthy!) :)
I think there is a lot of fear among church members. I'm not quite sure what the fear is about. Fear about losing their testimony? Fear of change? Fear of anything uncomfortable? I don't know.
Faith means we don't have to be afraid, because we can trust in Heavenly Father that things will work out.
I also think that just because ONE person perhaps was afraid of your comments, doesn't mean there aren't many others who were quietly appreciating them...
Well said Alice.
My pharmaceutical training in Optometry school gave me a better understanding of their benefits and dangers. I used to think that any drug was bad and that I would never take something to help unless I were dying. But now, I realize that some are as I feared--potent, toxic drugs only to be used in extreme need--while others are very mild and extremely benefitial.
We won't be able to distinguish a poisonous plant from a medicinal herb unless we read and study about them. Fran my vote is to continue providing good, difficult things to discuss. It helps us all prepare for those difficult things when we are confronted with them on our own.
I don't think it weakens our testimonies. I think it strengthens them.
Henry
I just barely found your blog, but I'm all about the controversy! If you are serious about starting a new blog, I'd love to read it. Thanks!
Hi Fran,
I think I have never written before either and I think many good things have been said already, may I add a few things as your real brother? Why retreat, there may have been misunderstandings and even complaint, so what? I complain about people all the time and nobody seems to retreat, so why should you do something nobody else does ;-).
But on a more serious note, what kind of conviction, read testimonies, do we have in the church when there is fear all the time about anything different, unusual, and beyond the normal? I think you will agree that that seems not very deep and strong and anything serious. Fear is not part of real faith. So this speaks more about them then about you and your person.
But if I may extend the analogy a little further why do you need to fear, worry and doubt yourself and who you are (read you conviction regarding yourself), because people are different, unusual and beyond normal?
Tobi
"But on a more serious note, what kind of conviction, read testimonies, do we have in the church when there is fear all the time about anything different, unusual, and beyond the normal?"
This sounds like something my dad would say (he's pretty smart).
You are all awesome. You're also all worthy. :)
Anyway, I must have sounded really whiny in my post that 2 of my relatives commented who I didn't even know read my blog. Maybe I should complain more??? Hmmmmm
Anyway, I shall, of course, not retreat. Once I cooled down a bit, licked my wounds and thought more, I realized that first of all, I really don't think I have done anything wrong, so why change? And then I also realized that it's a good reminder of how important it is to be christ-like in all my interactions, to seek the good, to not speak ill, and to be honest and up-right in my interactions with others. It's all good.
And you're all awesome. Really. As lame as life sometimes is, it's great to be reminded that there are lots of wonderful people, and that at the end of the day, even the ones who seem lame are probably also just trying to become better.
Alice, my brother is very smart...and he's the kind of bishop who'll call "liberal, unorthodox, fMh reader women" as his Relief Society president. :)
That would be a great ward to be in. :)
Am I worthy?
I really appreciate your openness and frankness with your thoughts. I'll often read the thoughts of your soul and find myself pondering them and studying more to find the truth.
One thing Brigham Young said is that Mormonism accepts all truth in all its forms. No matter where we find truth, in science, history, philosophy, other religions, it's God's. God is truth. And I think it's important to always be seeking truth. Thanks for often expanding my horizons.
I have been gone. Hope I am not too late. I love a good controversy. I am sorry that someone wasn't able to see the wonderfulness of Fran and your thoughts. Oh, I think you are so thoughtful and I love reading your thoughts. I think you really study everything and get a good hold of what you believe. I admire that in you. You don't just believe to believe. You believe and you study and you struggle. Many equate struggle with a bad thing. I think it is good. It shows you are thinking and trying to really became Christlike. We have to struggle in our human states to be that way so the struggle is a good thing. I do sometimes equate having troubles with the culture of the church as having a testimony struggle. I hope I haven't made you feel that I think you struggle in that way. I certainly value your opinion and hope you will find me worthy of your other blog!
I want in! :-) I started to send you an email yesterday requesting the address but I'm not sure if I sent it so here is my next request 'cause I love me some good debate and controversy.
Hi Fran. I've been reading your blog for awhile and although I've never commented before, I appreciate your thoughts/comments on a variety of subjects including those deemed "controversial". I enjoy hearing about your family life as well as your gospel insights and I'd be honored to be added to the list to continue reading your opinions and hilarious commentary. I, too, have experienced some whacked out RS discussions and I agree with Tobi that you certainly should not be afraid to speak your mind on what you believe to be true. (And I think you both are really smart.) :)
Kimber, can you email me so I can inform you of the new blog address? My email is frannyval at yahoo.com. Otherwise, I don't know how to contact you.
Oh, and thanks for thinking I'm smart AND hilarious. Anyone saying that kind of stuff is of course more than welcome to continue reading. Hahahaha.
Ok peeps, you're also welcome if you disagree with me, just as long as we all disagree nicely. ;)
Well your last comment Fran, gives me some hope, that I might have at least a snowball's chance in Arizona of being found worthy of entry into the new blogs readership. May I have an invite too?
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