Sometimes reality sucks. The other day, as I was out at the play ground with a friend, having our kids play, enjoying the sunshine and all, I was informed of a sex offender having moved into our apartment complex. Oh really? Nice to know I guess. America has this nifty thing called a "Sex Offender Registry", where you can look up (or sign-up to be notified) of sex offenders in any given neighborhood. You get all the nitty-gritty details - full name, picture, home address, their offense etc. So, after finding out about our new neighbor, I went home to find out what was going on. Well, looked like the fellow who moved into our complex is more on the harmless side of things, but I couldn't help noticing the 3 pages of sex offenders in our zip code aka broader neighborhood. I'm sure none of you will be too surprised if I tell you that all 28 of them were male. Maybe there will be some surprise to hear that most of them were white. Some looked shady like you'd imagine, some of them looked rather nice, like someone I just may trust.
The whole thing somehow really shook me up. Not that I didn't know of the dangers lurking out there for me, and my daughters (and I guess future sons). But it brought it all fresh to my mind, and has brought with it this deep rooted fear. How do I keep myself safe? How can I keep my daughters safe? Reading about Elizabeth Smart again in the news hasn't helped things. Apparently, in even some of the safest places in the US (Utah has a very low crime rate comparatively speaking), in one of Utah's finest neighborhoods, in a house with every window closed except one, and an alarm system, a girl was still snatched, straight out of her bed. From parents who probably prayed as faithfully as I do for the guidance of the spirit and protection from harm. How can I win? What can I do? I hate thinking about these things because oftentimes I just end up feeling so helpless and scared. Then I go into killer-mode, where I just get angry and really feel and think if anyone just as much as dares to threaten me, or even more so my children, I WILL KILL YOU. I think I want to tattoo that on my forehead - "Try to touch my kid and I'll kill you" or something like that.
But humor aside, how can one feel safe? For now I've done what I do best: gotten myself a bunch of books. I'm planning on reading up on how to teach my children effectively about stranger dangers, and the like. I also got a book called the "The Gift of Fear" dealing with how certain intuitions and signs we pick up subsonciously can not only warn us of danger, but also help us get out of dangerous situations. And then there are thoughts of buying guns in my head. Haha. Yeah, you just read that right! I don't think I would. It seems tempting to get a gun and feel safer, but I don't think that there is much safety in a gun, unless I get attacked/threatened in a situation where I have a loaded gun close at hand and the offender still at a safe enough distance to use my gun. Anyway, here I sit, trying to figure out what I can do to be safe. I guess being aware, prepared, and following the spirit will provide enough protection in most situations. Sometimes though I just want to cry...cry over the fact that it's so hard to just feel safe. Cry that I don't dare leaving my windows open at night. Cry over the fact that I can't just let my kid run free in front of our house. Cry over the fact that I can probably never feel 100 percent sure that my children aren't in some sort of danger. Cry over the fact that there are so many people out there who've just gotten into such a horrible place in their lives that they make innocent people lose sleep at night. Yeah. I really want to cry for all those men, for whom sex has become a thing destructive to them and others. How sad.
And with this sad reality of sexual crimes being probably the most prevalent crime against women and children, why are people surprised when I get so worked up over all things sexual? Well, I guess I don't get worked up over ALL things sexual, but really - shouldn't we be outraged over all the unnecessary pornography, all the unnecessary violence, anything really that desensitizes people, and therefore lowers inhibitions leading to more more incest, more rape, more molestation, more sexual assaults, more sexual addictions, more sexual dissatisfaction and with all of that usually more destruction of families?????? Seriously.
Safety. I'd love to have it. But right now, I'm just sad thinking of how it seems to be something rather elusive - an idea, utopia, heaven. Something we don't have. Something I want so badly for my kids.
Friday, November 12, 2010
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6 comments:
I hear ya on this. I remember looking up this information when we were in Wisconsin and seeing that there was someone just down the street from us with a minor offense - I got so freaked out and afraid. I've had scenarios play out in my head of someone doing something to one of my daughters and those murderous thought come to my head too - I think it's a natural reaction of protection. It's scary and I have to try really hard not to dwell on things like this that I can't control or I go totally crazy. I think you're doing the right things thought by studying how best to teach protection for yourself and your kids.
I think the more you know the safer you feel. The more you teach your kids here and there about what they need to do to be safe around people. Anyone for that matter...in a lot of instances the sex offender is a relative. I've made sure to teach our kids about safety. It just needs to be brought into a conversation every once in awhile. My kids know where people can't touch them, that it's never a game and this is their body. If they don't want to give someone a hug, they don't have to. If it wasn't for Josh's mom teaching him this kind of stuff when he was little, I'd probably be less aware. But it is good to teach about our bodies and our safety and strangers. Who are strangers, who is not. What to do when you're lost. Not to scare them but to not be oblivous to it either.
The sex offender registry is such a mixed bag - sometimes I question its worth.
I personally know somebody on it, who was charged with statutory rape after getting a 17-year old girl pregnant when he was 18. Poor judgement? Sure. A sex offender that one needs to fear? Not really.
When I was a child and teenager, the devil himself lived in my home, and yet, the Lord sent angels to protect me. I don't know why he did (I know he doesn't protect all). So, prepare your daughter, teach her every needful thing, teach her to trust her instincts, and then pray that that cup will pass by you (and it likely will).
Well, the sex offender registry certainly has some weak points. But, since I think you can usually look up their specific offense, I think it works fine. If I read of a situation like the one you mentioned, it wouldn't be something I'd worry about. It's more all the 50-year old men, who have a history of gross impositioning or the like that worry me.
Anyway, Isa - I agree. Angels are with us in many instances, probably even those that apparently didn't have the positive outcome we hope for. I'm glad you were protected! Remembering my own experiences, of hopping into a car with a stranger as an 11-year old, I realize I had angels with me. I really felt guided as the dangers became more apparent, and I knew I had to get away. It's truly a blessing to have the spirit guide us, as well as our instincts (though I think those two may be the same...). It makes me realize how important it is to teach my kids how to understand and listen to that 'still small voice'.
I just finished reading a book last night on sex predators that I found rather helpful. The author really tried to help you understand the patterns and characteristics of these people, and how they usually set children up for what's coming. It was disturbing to read, but helpful at the same time.
The book I just also made it clear to me that some of the basic stuff that probably a lot of parents mentioned won't be enough. You need to role-play with your kids, and help them know what to say/how to act. You need to teach them what the wrong people may ask about or say and what should be setting off red flags. And I need to know what to look for as well. After reading the book, I realized another dangerous situation I was in as a 12 year old where I'm pretty sure I had a predator setting me up, but I was prepared and inspired.
Urgh, I think things will be fine. As I learn more I realize that our children are already in a pretty good place to begin with. And as I stay close to the spirit, and teach and prepare myself and my kids right, I'm sure things will be ok. It just sucks that this is a reality we have to deal with.
Having been a victim of sexual abuse myself as a girl when I went into a store too young alone, I was obsessed my whole life about my children and grandchildren. I never let my boys go fishing at the beautiful lake near our home without an adult for example and there were no spend the nights. At one point we ended certain parties. And I felt that the freedom and enjoyment of nature that I experienced was stolen from them. But I had to get to a point of balance.
I know that not every prayer is answered in the affirmative, but I still pray daily for every child and grandchild and I try not to look at the worst scenario and expect it although sometimes those thoughts come sweeping over me.
It is sad about our world today. I believe when people lived in smaller areas, offenders were known and children and neighbors were well advised. Today it is easier to hide in cities.
You are very wise and protective and I think you will both be good at protecting your babies.
Thanks for sharing.
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