Thursday, November 18, 2010
P.S.
I've been reading all these deeply disturbing books this week about sexual abuse in children and how to prevent it. Honestly, I think I almost need therapy after reading all those books. Heavy stuff to say the least. However, I do feel like I'm walking away with a lot more knowledge, ideas, etc. as to how I can effectively protect my children from such a horrible event. Once I'm finishing the last book I'm on right now, I was going to compile a list/sheet so I can remember and internalize all that I've learned (and not let all the horror and sleepless nights this material has brought me be in vain). And, I thought I should offer to share. If anyone is interested in having my compilation on what I learned from the books - things to look out for, stuff to teach, how to teach, and so forth, just let me know in a comment and I'll email you the list when I'm done with it. That may still be a few weeks away, since I think I really may need some sort of recovery period from this. But, at any rate, I thought I should offer to share. Also, if you have anything specific that you learned at some point in regards to prevention, please feel free to share, and I can include that. I figure the more knowledgeable we are as parents, and the more prepared, the better can we not only protect our children, but really any child out there.
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14 comments:
Thanks for suffering through that so I can benefit from your list. I'd love it. I have learned that it is important to follow your gut and to teach that the stranger danger does not just apply to 'scary people' but I do feel there is so much I don't know.
Paranoid myself, I'd only like more help to become so. If you'd like to add any particulars abou protecting little boys, I'd like that too.
I'm sure you already know this, but NO SLEEPOVERS. That's a huge rule in our house. Here's a question for you guys, there is a little boy in my area (he is five), and I am seriously concerned. He repeatedly asked my four year girl to take off her clothes, wants to hold her hand, hug her, put his arm around her etc... He wanted to see my other girls poopy diaper, and wanted to play diaper change. In addition, I feel like I have felt prompted to keep his in my direct sight at all times. Am I just being paranoid? Do you think I should tell his, super overly sensitive mother about my concerns? I don't want to be overly paranoid, but I have some serious concerns.
Oh, and I'd love the list.
Kari, I think that little boy needs his mother to know. It seems like he's getting it from somewhere.
Fran, I'd like the list too.
Trust your instinct Kari. That's your best defense against all of that crap.
Henry
I would like the list too - especially if I don't have to read these disturbing books that you have waded through.
Kari, I don't think you are being paranoid. Trust those feelings. It makes me feel creepy thinking about it. This kid is FIVE? Where is he learning these things, to want to act them out? Changing diapers is something children like to act like they are doing, but they change dolls, not each other.
Franzi,
I'd love the list when you are finished with it - definitely something I want to work on as well.
Kari - I would want to know if I was the mother. Last year there was an incident while playing at a friend's house that my son and the kids he was playing with decided to take off their clothes. The mother caught them and she told me about it and I was so grateful to be able to talk to my son about this right away and deal with it so that he knew that even if it was someone else's idea, it's not something we do.
Reading all this makes me think: I am happy that i am single and don't have kids. I don't need to read weird books about what people do to children and can still think it is cute when a little boy hugs a little girl.
Ha! Well, actually, I don't think you're free to not worry. Well, I mean, you can choose to not worry, but I don't think anyone is exempt from worrying and being informed. You work with youth - you should know signs and risks of sexual abuse, so you can keep the YW safe while you interact with them or have responsibility for them. You may be in the primary at some point. Or you may just deal with nieces and nephews who could be abused...
I think everyone should be informed. You never know who will become a victim and who may be the perpetrator. And, if adults are alert, informed and responsible we can recognize the danger either before it's too late or at least as soon as something has happened to prevent further abuse and aid children/youth in getting the help they need.
So, while you may not have to worry about your own kids day and night, which probably IS a nice thing, I do think you should be informed. :) I'd want you to if I ever left Sophia in your care.
And lastly, sexual abuse doesn't stop with children...
But in the mean time, sweet dreams. :)
And just to stir up the discussion: Statistics show that most sexual abuse happens within the family or with the people the children know and trust.
So, besides the obvious: "nobody touches your private parts"... how do you prevent that?
Well, it's easy...by reading books on how to recognize typical tell-tale signs, and by knowing what situations are a no-go to put your child into. But then you'd have to put up with reading "weird books about what people to do children". Or you can request my compilation from the books if you'd like.
I'm glad you're aware though that abuse is most likely to occur from people you know/trust such as family members. Wouldn't that also be a good reason to be informed on this rather than not?
I'd like the list. I'd also like an invite to the blog at my other email address if you don't mind. it's my first name at myfirstnamekevin.com
I want your list Fran!
That is something I am super careful about. We know too many people who have suffered their whole lives from an instant (or more) of abuse - it is worth the stress of prevention.
Kari, I don't know you, but I would tell the boy's mom. She should know.
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