Thursday, May 13, 2010
Scary, really Scary...
I just read this article on NPR (posted on the APA website). It's about the social costs of pornography. I find that in itself very scary. But that's not what scared me the most. Read the article, and then read the comments on it at the bottom. Freaky. It's freaked me out for a long time that pornography is not only such a rampant problem in our society, but how vehemently we deny its negative influences in all kinds of situations. And, I'm not talking about turning prude, frigid, verklemmt, or anything. I'm all about openly discussing sexuality - in appropriate ways. I'm all about educating my kids, and having this be an open topic at any time. I don't think there is a need to make it taboo or secret or shameful. Clearly, such approaches have brought much harm themselves, and it's not how I would want to handle things. Instead, I'd like sexuality to be the beautiful, enriching experience it can be and should be. I'd like my kids to learn that and understand that. But that is almost impossible to teach or feel the way society is corrupting the views of sexuality today. And with how willingly we embrace what's being put out there. Reading those comments just reminded me how warped our perceptions already are. Talk about frustration...
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9 comments:
Very, very bad. One thing that pops out at me is that the first phase of an addiction, exposure, is accompanied by masturbation. It is common in our society to view masturbation (it's even a gross word) as part of a healthy sexuality. This idea is completely and utterly false.
And some of those comments are repulsive and help to explain why the porn industry continues to see outrageous profits. Gotta love Michelle Burnett's comment: "This is 100% about this woman's bad marriage. It has nothing to do with porn being worse than drugs, which it's not." Denial. Sounds like just what you would hear from an addict. Seems Michelle Burnett has a porn addiction.
That was a scary article, but some of the comments after the article were more disconcerning to me. It seemed some readers were far too eager to blame the woman for being frumpy (the only indication being that she had five kids) instead of addressing the addictive nature of pornography. To these readers, sex is something soley physical and leaves no room for the emotional and spiritual. Thanks for the read Fran!
I'm glad you guys noticed the very same disconcerting ideas on those comments. Isn't it ridiculous to assume that because this lady has 5 kids she is probably frumpy and not taking care of herself. Not only do I find it worrisome that some of the main critiques come from women themselves, but I find their ideas even more troubling. Not only do we ignore the sick nature of pornography but there seems to be a whole messed up view on womanhood coming along with this (like women who have 5 kids are probably just sad, fat, disgruntled mothers). As I said: FREAKY!
Maybe I'm weird for being a guy commenting on this but I'm glad you pointed out how sick it is that this one woman practically excused the husband's porn addiction because his wife was probably ugly after having 5 kids. I'm sure that once she has had a few of her own(she probably won't if this is how she views women who have children)she'll be just as forgiving towards her own husband/boyfriend if he picks up a porn addiction due to her repulsive baby-worn body.
This kind of crap burns me up because Sarah and I are very sensitive to our society's attitude towards having multiple children. In many regards our culture has an attitude which borders on contempt of people who decide to have children. Those of us who have multiple children have all been subject to the stares of other people whose disapproval of our personal lifestyle decisions is all too obvious. And then, if the mom dares to choose the life of a home-maker over career woman then she's looked upon as being useless. Sorry this is off-topic a bit but that one lady's comment on the article sort of hints at this kind of thing and it infuriates me.
Oh, I'm totally with you. That's what I picked up as well - the worth of women who have children and are home-makers in today's society is non-existent. It's very reminiscent to me of an email I received from a 'friend' back home in Germany after announcing being pregnant with Sophia. This friend suggested that maybe I was just giving in to family pressure to have kids, and since I'm so smart I shouldn't let that intelligence go to waste at home having kids, etc. and if the Church isn't just trying to use me and so forth.
You should have seen the mail I wrote back to her. Ha! It's outrageous how mothers are treated today!
I really, really liked the article. It probably didn't do the writer good to report her own personal story...because of how people view that. It also upsets me that people think porn is normal, and that it's "healthy" to watch it "together" to get new ideas. Yeah...like the wife is pretending that her husband is the actor and visa versa! Gross!
It saddens me that our society is becoming so accepting of just plain bad things. A few weeks ago I saw a bumper sticker that said "Evil is the New Good."
I don't want to raise my family in a bubble. BUT, and a more powerful BUT, I also don't want them exposed to horrible, evil things before they are ready to comprehend the truth and error, the right and wrong, the good and bad.
More and more, if you want to be good, if you want to uphold time-tested values, you just have to accept being different. You just have to accept that scornful look sometimes. You just have to keep doing what you know is right, despite the world laughing in your face. I also love to read uplifting literature, biographies, speeches about honorable and righteous people. Then I don't feel so alone in my quest for pursuing righteousness.
Gah! It makes me so mad I want to bite something.
Setting the pornography issue aside, the commenters' idea that the wife is responsible for her husband's infidelity is... is... there are no words! Even if she were frumpy, *he* is still the one who had an affair and left his wife and 5 children. She is responsible for the things she did to weaken the marriage, which there probably were a few because she's a human, however she is NOT responsible for what he did to destroy the marriage. The idea that she is, is the biggest threat to women's rights I've seen in my lifetime.
It makes me furious too. I don't think biting anything will help. But I hate that responsibility is thrown out the window. It's easy to hate porn and the use of it and all the bad stuff it does to people.
I hate it and wish we could ban it completely. I know I'm pretty accepting of differing views and philosophies. And I know there's a lot of gray area surrounding what porn is and what isn't. The thing that's frustrating is trying to give evidence for why its bad.
It doesn't surprise me that there isn't more because who would want to do those studies!? Actually, I know there are probably plenty who would participate.
Anyway, I'm with Jeffery R Holland and all he's said about the subject. I hate it and will do all I can to keep it out of my home.
Henry
I am glad you posted this.
A couple of side line points:
I love that so many of you are openly discussing one of the many evils that are now called good. To me,it is great to openly and firmly address what you oppose without being insane and raging. It is a great support to people who are quietly thinking the way you are but are unsure or unable to openly express themselves.
I remember thirty years ago looking at a book for kids, probably aimed at 8 - 10 year olds, which gave some great advice to kids. There was a page of rage though that caused me to reject it. It proclaimed, "Don't let anybody tell you masturbation is bad! It is a healthy and natural part of your development." The author reminded me of the nurse at my kids school. She seemed to be on a mission to rid the world of old and foolish notions and to replace them with her own wisdom.
I also want to add that when I was around 30, some of my wildly secular friends were in agreement on how their husbands' infidelity was just part of his midlife crisis. They pitied the unsophisticated people like me who were still under the old delusion that it was really damaging.
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