I'm realizing how it changes our understanding when we walk a mile in someone else's shoes. Not that I've walked a mile in anyone else's shoes really, but I think I'm getting a sense of it now. A while ago, before Sophia was born, I got a new visiting teaching companion. She wasn't able to have kids, and has been adopting. We were called to visit a lady, who has been wanting more kids, but aside from her one child hasn't been able to have more (so far...9 years later...I still hope for her). We also were called to visit another lady, single, who was pregnant and giving her child up for adoption. And, there was me, excited to go fulfill my calling, with the happy glow of pregnancy all over my (zit-covered) face. Of course I 'understood' when my visiting teaching companion mentioned that she'll try and visit those sisters alone, and that with me being pregnant it was a bit of a difficult situation for them. Of course, I 'understood' when my companion didn't want to come to my baby shower. Really. I thought I understood. But really, I didn't. Now I realize, while a lot of us probably have a lot of sympathy/empathy for the trials and pain others experience, understanding is a totally different story. I think it takes some of that 'walking a mile' stuff to really understand. It makes the Savior's atonement so much more special to me. I thought about it the other day when I thought how ironic it is that the Savior of the world is a man. What does he know about periods, pregnancy, losing babies, morning sickness, meno pause, etc. Well, he may have been lucky enough to be spared having a period, or losing a baby, but he was not spared to experience the pain and suffering that these events bring with them. He had to 'walk a mile in someone else's shoes'. Except, he didn't just walk a mile, he walked the whole stinking way of every miserable experience anyone ever had, and all the pain and suffering that comes with it. He felt it all.Today, at a party, I was talking with some friends, and the topic turned to who is pregnant in the ward. In our ward, it's usually some 10+ women pregnant at any given time, it seems. It made me really sad as I listened to 'who else is pregnant'. It seemed that, indeed, every fertile female in the ward was pregnant. Everyone but me. It hurt. A lot. And then I realized that this is probably what it must be like for my visiting teaching companion, the ladies I was supposed to visit teach, the girls who wish to just get married, and can't even find a guy, or anyone else who so deeply longs for something, and it's not happening. Except to everyone else. It's a lonely place. But not completely lonely. Because Christ has been there. So, even when it seems like there is no one else who 'really understands', or who'll cry with me, I will always be so grateful for a Savior, who 'descended below all', and that now my experience 'shall be for my good' (D & C 122). I have always loved Easter, but this year, it is even more meaningful to me.
PS. I should mention that today Sophia turned 18 months. And I couldn't have been blessed with a sweeter daughter. She's fully living up to her middle name (Larissa - which means 'to give cheer'). She's full of smiles, hugs, kisses, cuddles and giggles. She now has become a parrot, saying the last word of everything I say. She insists on eating with a fork or spoon, except for when suddenly she has the urge to bathe her whole hand in yogurt or apple sauce. She's still eating her veggies, while occasionally singing about 'lade' (chocolate or Schokolade in German). She sings. She dances. She hops around. She draws. She meows. She loves being outside. She loves Papa, and calls him Henry sometimes. She called me Franny in Church on Sunday. She kneels, folds her arms and says 'amen' for prayers. Sometimes she says amen at the beginning of the prayer and all through the prayer. She's my sunshine. I'm glad we're an eternal family.
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11 comments:
I love the new pics you have at the top of your blog.
Thank you for your thoughts on Christ and His atonement. You eloquently put into words many of my unexpressed feelings. Thanks again Fran.
I was feeding Sophia the other day and she had both of her hands in the yogurt and was saying, "Wash Hands" then pretended she was washing her hands with the yogurt. I didn't have the heart to stop her so I let her eat that way until she was done. It was pretty messy.
H
Thanks for this touching post. Everyone has unmet longings that are painful and unknown to others. It is good to read from others that their hope and my hope rests in Christ.
What a perfect photo! Also, I would like to second Fran's thoughts on how wonderful it is that the Savior really knows what it feels like to be, well, us.
Exactly, like you'd never know the situation I'm in.
What situation are you in Heidi?
Da braucht man gar nicht weit zu schauen. Das beginnt in der eigenen Familie.
Ich glaube aber auch, dass man nicht "walk the mile" gemacht haben muss um Mitgefühl mit jemanden zu haben. Ich denke, es fängt an, wenn man mit den Augen Christi sieht und mit der Liebe sieht die Christus für alle hat.
Und der Gedanke, dass niemand alleine in seinem Leid ist, sondern, dass Christus genau weiss wie sich die Person fühlt, ist auch sehr tröstlich für mich.
Natuerlich muss man nicht selber eine Meile gelaufen sein, um Mitgefuehl zu haben. Wie ich ja gesagt habe, haben die meisten Leute Mitgefuehl. Wie sich das Mitgefuehl dann aber ausdrueckt, haengt schon davon ab wie gut man eine Situation versteht. Auch fuer's Verstehen muss man natuerlich es nicht unbedingt selbst erlebt haben. Wir koennen uns an Christus wenden, um uns zu helfen zu verstehen und zu sehen. Aber um wirklich mitzufuehlen, ist ein gewisses Verstaendnis schon notwending, denke ich, sonst haette Christus sich ja auch viel Leid ersparen koennen, und uns einfach so lieb haben.
Es ist aber doch irgendwie eine Realitaet, dass wir uns anderen gegenueber anders/mehr liebevoll/mit mehr Mitgefuehl etc. benehmen, wenn wir besser verstehen was sie durchmachen. Es gibt ja ein Grund, dass wir unser Leid zum Beispiel eher denen klagen, die es 'verstehen', oder warum viele die zwar Mitgefuehl haben, trotzdem taktlose Kommentare machen oder Sachen machen, nicht aus Boeswillen, sondern einfach weil sie es nicht besser verstehen. Z.B. als ich in einer Grief Support Gruppe in Utah gearbeitet habe, hat eine Frau, die ihren Mann durch Selbstmord verloren hatte, erzaehlt wie eine Schwester ihr 4 Woche nach dem Tod ein Date organisieren wollte. Die Schwester meinte es gut, und hatte sicher Mitgefuehl! Aber wenn sie vielleicht selbt mal in einer aehnlichen Situation gewesen waere, waere ihr sicher klar gewesen, dass 4 Wochen nach dem Tod noch nicht die Zeit fuer Datevorschlaege ist. Mitgefuehl? Ja. Verstaendnis. Nein. Und deshalb denke ich, das wahres Mitgefuehl am besten mit einem gewissen Verstaendnis gepaart ist.
P.S. Um aber wirklich ganz klar zu sein, ich denke das auch Christus uns dieses 'Verstaendnis' geben kann. Ich denke aber nicht, dass das automatisch kommt, nur weil wir wen lieben wie Christus. Ich denke, das wir ihn dann ganz konkret bitten muessen uns zu helfen zu sehen, und zu verstehen, was jemand anderes durchmacht.
I'll tell you, but not on your blog.
It's funny...but sometimes when I'm going through a womanly hormonal time, Rob listens to my complaints and says, "I understand." I know he doesn't...at all. But I'm glad that at least he tries. But at least there is one man who understands everything. Thanks for your thoughts on the Atonement. It touched my heart.
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