Catching Up On Pictures

I'm finally trying to get caught up on pictures. In the post beneath, I posted a million pictures of our trip to Germany/Spain this year. I haven't put in any comments yet. I'll try to get caught up on more pictures in the next few days from stuff like birthdays, Easter, and...dunno, random goodness.

What else do I want to write down? On Wednesday I had two good friends call me. I was so happy. No one ever calls (and I guess I hardly ever call anyone either, so there's no one to blame). It was just so nice feeling like I still had friends. It was nice getting phone calls and chatting with people.

I still am trying to figure out what makes me such an ass at times. :) I need to call my therapist and schedule an appointment, because I think it would be helpful to work with someone else through my strong reactions to some things, why I resist certain things (like stuff where I know rationally that it's not as big of a deal, or where I know I should be nicer/behave differently, but there is this huge inner resistance, almost like an inner temper tantrum?), and how I can maybe handle some of my issues in a more mature, productive manner.

I definitely want to be nicer to people. I know it's so important to act with charity and kindness. I totally believe that every person is fighting their own battles, and if we could only really understand where everyone is coming from, what's making them who they are, etc. we'd have so much more compassion. I want to be compassionate. I want to be kind and patient. But often I'm just loud and opinionated, and in shouting out my thoughts on the faults and ills and injustices of the world, I trample over 20 people right in front of me. :(

I think I honestly need to work on listening better. Much better. Much much better. Like, waiting till someone is really done speaking, even if I feel like I know what they are going to say. Or even if I know I'll hate what they say. I had an online discussion where someone mentioned using a lot of questions when having discussions. I loved that. Asking lots of questions makes people feel like you care about what they have to say. It also helps you clarify and really understand where they're coming from. I want to try and do that more.

Part of why I'm often such a poor listener is probably part how I've grown up (I think I had to learn to talk over a lot of people to be heard) and part that sometimes I feel like my mind goes a million miles a minute when I'm in a discussion. Someone says something, and half-way into what they're saying I'm having 20,000 thoughts on what they're saying, and it just all bursts out, and then even as I talk I have more thoughts rushing out, and ...Dunno. It's like I really struggling with reigning in the overload of ideas and thoughts etc. Like if I don't get it all out, it'll be gone, or I won't have a chance to share it?

Anyway, I'm sure Ms. Therapist can help me make a bit more sense of why MY ideas and thoughts need to be shared to urgently, and why I can't take a deep breath, and lighten up, and let some things (lots of things) slide, and just listen more to others, and whatever, take a breather in general about life. It's probably not all always as serious/urgent as it appears to me?