Today, I read a post from a friend on FB and it made me sad.
Her comment was saying that as women of the Church we should spend more of our
energy fighting for women's right regarding violence against women than
discussing how many women pray in conference. She certainly had a point, but as
someone who has participated in the Let Women Pray event by writing a letter to
Elder Holland, seeing this comment stung.
I should start of by saying that I agree that it would be wonderful if we all, as followers of Christ, could channel our energy and resources into fighting the big problems of the world. I will also happily concede that, as a white woman living in the US, my life is pretty peachy, despite any inequalities that may still exist. At large, the issues I encounter as a female are often not as bad or severe as issues a woman may encounter in other nations. I have much to be grateful for, and do not wish to diminish the freedoms, rights, and opportunities afforded to me. So, I can understand my friend's perspective. When we hear and see stories of incredible violence elsewhere targeted at women (like this: http://www.theguardian.com/world/video/2013/aug/12/png-violence-against-women-video or this: http://digitaljournal.com/article/355646 or all the stories in the documentary here: http://www.halftheskymovement.org/), or cultural practices that come at gruesome prices (such as this: http://worldnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/09/13/20476580-outrage-over-death-of-yemeni-child-bride-8-on-wedding-night?lite , or this: http://www.salon.com/2013/07/22/report_female_genital_mutilation_remains_%E2%80%9Calmost_universal%E2%80%9D_in_some_countries/, we shudder, and issues such as who prays in General Conference, or whether we can wear pants to Church, or be admitted to Priesthood Session, seem trivial. I get it. And I would not ever want to imply that not being permitted to pray in Conference is on the same level as a woman who has acid thrown in her face by her husband. It is not. It never will be. And if I had to choose between helping a women in danger of experiencing severe physical violence or a woman to get a well-deserved $0.25 pay-increase, for example, I would probably choose the person in danger of violence.
And yet, even though I'm fully aware of the horrible things that go on in the world, the injustices that I sometimes do not even want to think about, because it's too depressing and too heart-wrenching, and despite knowing how urgently we need to be involved in eradicating such behaviors, I bothered to channel some of my time and energy to prayer in conference. Why on earth would I do that?
I should start of by saying that I agree that it would be wonderful if we all, as followers of Christ, could channel our energy and resources into fighting the big problems of the world. I will also happily concede that, as a white woman living in the US, my life is pretty peachy, despite any inequalities that may still exist. At large, the issues I encounter as a female are often not as bad or severe as issues a woman may encounter in other nations. I have much to be grateful for, and do not wish to diminish the freedoms, rights, and opportunities afforded to me. So, I can understand my friend's perspective. When we hear and see stories of incredible violence elsewhere targeted at women (like this: http://www.theguardian.com/world/video/2013/aug/12/png-violence-against-women-video or this: http://digitaljournal.com/article/355646 or all the stories in the documentary here: http://www.halftheskymovement.org/), or cultural practices that come at gruesome prices (such as this: http://worldnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/09/13/20476580-outrage-over-death-of-yemeni-child-bride-8-on-wedding-night?lite , or this: http://www.salon.com/2013/07/22/report_female_genital_mutilation_remains_%E2%80%9Calmost_universal%E2%80%9D_in_some_countries/, we shudder, and issues such as who prays in General Conference, or whether we can wear pants to Church, or be admitted to Priesthood Session, seem trivial. I get it. And I would not ever want to imply that not being permitted to pray in Conference is on the same level as a woman who has acid thrown in her face by her husband. It is not. It never will be. And if I had to choose between helping a women in danger of experiencing severe physical violence or a woman to get a well-deserved $0.25 pay-increase, for example, I would probably choose the person in danger of violence.
And yet, even though I'm fully aware of the horrible things that go on in the world, the injustices that I sometimes do not even want to think about, because it's too depressing and too heart-wrenching, and despite knowing how urgently we need to be involved in eradicating such behaviors, I bothered to channel some of my time and energy to prayer in conference. Why on earth would I do that?
In short, I participated because it is by small and simple
things that I believe our world changes for the better (and also for the worse).
I also had the spare 5 minutes to write a letter. It wasn't much of an energy
sap. And while I realize that ideally I'd constantly push myself to make life
less about improving my own already fairly cushy life situation, and more about
making this world a better place, we all need breaks, and recreational moments.
And in my "fun time", my down-time, I like to discuss social issues
on FB or write letters to General Authorities. Or read and discuss less
soul-crushing issues that I may actually have some immediate influence on. So,
excuse me if I wasted some of my time on caring about smaller issues of
inequality. I can't fight the big bad world with all its horrors every moment
of my life.
But the longer answer is what this post is actually about. I truly believe that our world changes through small things (God seems to agree with me on that in Alma 37:6). Women praying in Conference is a very small change. It's so small that, if it wouldn't have been all over the news, we may not even have noticed. Why would it matter at all. Truth be told, I don't think that this little change alone is a big deal. I don't necessarily care who prays in Conference (as long as they make sure they don't turn their prayer into their own little Conference talk). But I still cared deeply about being involved in this. See, my 35 years of peachy life have taught me that small matters.
But the longer answer is what this post is actually about. I truly believe that our world changes through small things (God seems to agree with me on that in Alma 37:6). Women praying in Conference is a very small change. It's so small that, if it wouldn't have been all over the news, we may not even have noticed. Why would it matter at all. Truth be told, I don't think that this little change alone is a big deal. I don't necessarily care who prays in Conference (as long as they make sure they don't turn their prayer into their own little Conference talk). But I still cared deeply about being involved in this. See, my 35 years of peachy life have taught me that small matters.
My testimony of the Gospel was the result of a million small
things. It was the result of reading the scriptures many times, and having many
small-scale positive experiences when reading. It came as I participated in
thousands of different activities, attended as many different classes at
Church, sang hymns over and over, went to seminary and institute, prayed
faithfully, and felt the Spirit gently
and strongly in many of these situations. If I only would have gone to Church
once, or read the scriptures once, or attended YW's conference once, I may not
have a testimony. It took lots of things, big and small, but mostly lots of
small things, to build something big - my testimony.
To use another example, I've always struggled with how I view my body. When I look in the mirror, I immediately see my many "flaws", the fat rolls that "shouldn't be there", the stretch marks, the little zits, nose too big, eyes too small, shoulders too broad, face to narrow. I look at myself and know that I don't fit the current beauty standard. I've thought a lot about how I've picked up on that societal beauty standard, because my parents never told me about it. No one has ever explicitly told me that I should look a certain way. I've had a few people tell me I'm ugly, but no one has ever really tried to teach me or tell me that skinny is in, that stretch marks or being fat is ugly, that you want to have smooth skin, shaved legs, a symmetrical face and so forth. Still, I know about it anyway. The immediate culprit for this that may come to mind is the media. But I never really read magazines of any sort growing up. And I Still don't. I didn't watch a lot of TV either, and computers weren't really a thing yet back then. So, where did I learn this? I don't have any proof, but when I think about my life, I know it was the result of a million little things - a funny look here, a comment about my body there, seeing an advertisement walking past a store, watching a movie with women looking a certain way, peers in class wearing the same styles of clothing, and so forth.
The views and beliefs we hold in life are almost always the result of an accumulation of many small experiences, many of which we may not even consciously be able to recall. And because of that, I care about women praying in Conference. Or being able to wear pants to Church without push-back, or being able to attend Priesthood Conference. Or to be able to serve in more callings. Small matters. My testimony of the gospel of Christ is something I cherish deeply. There have been so many times in my life where my relationship with my Heavenly Parents was the only life-line I seemed to have, the only power to lean on, and draw strength from. I want that for my three daughters. I want that for everyone, actually. But I know that in order to have that relationship, we need to know that we can have personal, powerful relationship with our Heavenly Parents. And many small things can interfere with knowing this with confidence.
To use another example, I've always struggled with how I view my body. When I look in the mirror, I immediately see my many "flaws", the fat rolls that "shouldn't be there", the stretch marks, the little zits, nose too big, eyes too small, shoulders too broad, face to narrow. I look at myself and know that I don't fit the current beauty standard. I've thought a lot about how I've picked up on that societal beauty standard, because my parents never told me about it. No one has ever explicitly told me that I should look a certain way. I've had a few people tell me I'm ugly, but no one has ever really tried to teach me or tell me that skinny is in, that stretch marks or being fat is ugly, that you want to have smooth skin, shaved legs, a symmetrical face and so forth. Still, I know about it anyway. The immediate culprit for this that may come to mind is the media. But I never really read magazines of any sort growing up. And I Still don't. I didn't watch a lot of TV either, and computers weren't really a thing yet back then. So, where did I learn this? I don't have any proof, but when I think about my life, I know it was the result of a million little things - a funny look here, a comment about my body there, seeing an advertisement walking past a store, watching a movie with women looking a certain way, peers in class wearing the same styles of clothing, and so forth.
The views and beliefs we hold in life are almost always the result of an accumulation of many small experiences, many of which we may not even consciously be able to recall. And because of that, I care about women praying in Conference. Or being able to wear pants to Church without push-back, or being able to attend Priesthood Conference. Or to be able to serve in more callings. Small matters. My testimony of the gospel of Christ is something I cherish deeply. There have been so many times in my life where my relationship with my Heavenly Parents was the only life-line I seemed to have, the only power to lean on, and draw strength from. I want that for my three daughters. I want that for everyone, actually. But I know that in order to have that relationship, we need to know that we can have personal, powerful relationship with our Heavenly Parents. And many small things can interfere with knowing this with confidence.
A few years ago, I sat in a Relief Society lesson taught by
a very competent and intelligent young woman. We were talking about the Spirit
World. Not the easiest lesson, since we don't have too many scriptures and
talks dealing with that topic, and usually no one in the room who can share
personal experiences on the topic. The sister did a fine job, but at times we
had some questions come up that did not really have a clear answer. Each time
this happened, the sister suggested that the person go ask a priesthood holder
about it. Additionally, just two Sundays ago, our Relief Society got caught up
in a discussion on asking for priesthood blessings, and one sister raised her
hand asking if it was ok to call a friend for a blessing instead of her home
teacher. No one felt confident or sure enough to say that she could just call
whoever she wanted, and we ended up consulting the Handbook.
The things that shook me up about these situations was not that women were unsure about something, but that in both cases, women seemed to lack the confidence to find her own answers, or trust their own good judgment. Instead of suggesting that we read the scriptures, conference talks and whatever else, and then ponder and pray to find our own answers, we were supposed to consult a priesthood holder (like they magically have the answers to every gospel question), or in the second example, the women were so unsure to make a basic decision regarding their own personal life (who to ask to give them a blessing) that there was no peace until an official and authoritative source had been consulted.
I could share many more such examples, and I will make the assertion that men in the Church would struggle to come up with comparative examples. Which makes me afraid that we have too many things going on in the Church (that I may not even be able to put my finger on in detail) that undermine women's confidence in their own spiritual powers and abilities - their confidence that they can have a strong, personal relationship with their Heavenly Parents, where they can find answers through the Spirit to any questions they may have. And THAT is why I want women to pray in Conference. Not because it's so unfair when the guys get to pray all the time and the women don't. I want my daughters to see women speak, teach, pray, consult, ponder, learn - on every level of the Church. I want them to know in word, deed, thought, example, whatever else there is, that they can have a personal relationship with God. They do not have to go to a priesthood holder when they have a question about the gospel (they can, if they want to). I want them to know they can figure things out themselves. There will not always be handbooks, and priesthood holders to do the work for them. And there shouldn't be anyway. The gospel prepares us to become like God, and that certainly has to include a certain degree of spiritual independence. I believe that small things matter, and that small things have contributed to women not being as spiritually self-reliant as they should be. The factors contributing to this may be small and hard to notice. But I do think seeing strong spiritual female role models will help change the tone for the sisters of the Church.
The things that shook me up about these situations was not that women were unsure about something, but that in both cases, women seemed to lack the confidence to find her own answers, or trust their own good judgment. Instead of suggesting that we read the scriptures, conference talks and whatever else, and then ponder and pray to find our own answers, we were supposed to consult a priesthood holder (like they magically have the answers to every gospel question), or in the second example, the women were so unsure to make a basic decision regarding their own personal life (who to ask to give them a blessing) that there was no peace until an official and authoritative source had been consulted.
I could share many more such examples, and I will make the assertion that men in the Church would struggle to come up with comparative examples. Which makes me afraid that we have too many things going on in the Church (that I may not even be able to put my finger on in detail) that undermine women's confidence in their own spiritual powers and abilities - their confidence that they can have a strong, personal relationship with their Heavenly Parents, where they can find answers through the Spirit to any questions they may have. And THAT is why I want women to pray in Conference. Not because it's so unfair when the guys get to pray all the time and the women don't. I want my daughters to see women speak, teach, pray, consult, ponder, learn - on every level of the Church. I want them to know in word, deed, thought, example, whatever else there is, that they can have a personal relationship with God. They do not have to go to a priesthood holder when they have a question about the gospel (they can, if they want to). I want them to know they can figure things out themselves. There will not always be handbooks, and priesthood holders to do the work for them. And there shouldn't be anyway. The gospel prepares us to become like God, and that certainly has to include a certain degree of spiritual independence. I believe that small things matter, and that small things have contributed to women not being as spiritually self-reliant as they should be. The factors contributing to this may be small and hard to notice. But I do think seeing strong spiritual female role models will help change the tone for the sisters of the Church.
Further, I know that
once the women of the Church feel confident and powerful on a spiritual level
as well as a general level, many things can change. We will not as easily
become victims of abuse, because we may have more confidence in verbalizing our
boundaries, and know we're on equal footing, undeserving of any disrespect to
our boundaries. We will not sink into depression, because we don't know our
limitations or that it is ok to acknowledge our limitations and say 'no'. We
will not need to lash out at each other when we do not understand each other's
differences, because we know we can trust our own ability to know what is right
for us, independent from what others do.
We experience confidence and peace that come from being in direct
communication with God, and in that light see how unbearable it is for any of
our sisters or brothers on this earth to not be afforded a life situation that
affirms their complete and absolute worth and divinity as children of God. I
would imagine that when we know we're
powerful beings, we will naturally be compelled to reach out and change the
great inequalities and injustices that still haunt our world.
And because I believe that small things will truly result in great things coming to pass, I participate in these small acts. I do so with hope that it will solve some of the underlying issues that cause the bigger problems in the world. I do it as a break from some of the hard-core issues that are like mountains you climb your whole life. Maybe it will not change big issues, and I don't think small acts alone will help change the fate of the least of my sisters. Honestly, I do not know what the outcome really will be, and act mostly on faith. I know though that "small means in many instances doth confound the wise" (Alma 37:6). It may not make sense, but it still may work.
And because I believe that small things will truly result in great things coming to pass, I participate in these small acts. I do so with hope that it will solve some of the underlying issues that cause the bigger problems in the world. I do it as a break from some of the hard-core issues that are like mountains you climb your whole life. Maybe it will not change big issues, and I don't think small acts alone will help change the fate of the least of my sisters. Honestly, I do not know what the outcome really will be, and act mostly on faith. I know though that "small means in many instances doth confound the wise" (Alma 37:6). It may not make sense, but it still may work.
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2 comments:
I'm all for small and simple things, but I wonder if it isn't easy to think one is working on small and simple things, but it is really just a distraction.
That said, I'm grateful for many of the past and present conversations that the feminist movement is inspiring in the church so don't take this the wrong way. I just feel that as women we can do more to hit at deeper issues.
Yes, I think small things can also become a distraction from the bigger picture. Like all things in life, I'd say it depends on what's going on and what you're doing.
My main point of that post was about addressing the notion that stuff like promoting more visible roles for women in Church is wrong, because there is still HUGE BAD HORRIBLE inequality going on, and we should tackle that first.
I hate that argument, because a lot of issues intersect, and are connected, and it's easy to dismiss every and any good deed of a person by saying there are bigger fish to catch.
I think small things can have a huge impact and change some of the big issues. And so we don't have to be dismissive. But as you said, sometimes they also may end up being a distraction, and may make us forget what the end goal actually was, or what the bigger picture is.
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