Alright, where to start...

The kids are playing outside right now with Henry, making a huge muddy mess. And I figured that's the perfect time for me to sit down (in our cool house) to finally update the blog a wee bit more.

So, what's been going on? I don't even know where to start...It's like the summer has just flown by. We had a bunch of family visit, and went on a few trips ourselves, and so somehow it all seemed really busy.

Maybe I should start with our return from Germany. We had a good time in Germany overall. A few stressful moments while staying with my parents, and sad moments when we attended the funeral of my little nephew Jonathan, and some more stressful moments during my sister Meike's wedding, but overall - it was a nice trip, and I think Sophia and Alba really enjoyed spending time with their cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents.

The last week or so of our trip got a bit stressful again, because we were at a dead-end with our negotiations on purchasing the optometry practice in Burney. We had come to a halt on figuring out a price for the building we also wanted to buy. The seller felt the price we had was fair, we felt it was too high, especially since we found out that the building was 1/4 smaller than we were told. We ended up agreeing to do an appraisal for the building to determine a fair price. The appraisal came in at exactly the price we had agreed on previously. However, it was full of issues that left us feeling that the price in fact was way to high (like almost $40,000 too high). The whole thing went sour real fast when we tried to push for a lower price still. Anyway, so at some point Henry and I tried to figure out whether we should just walk away from the whole thing, all while I was trying to have fun in Germany. It's not easy to decide whether you want to choose unemployment or not while you're half the world away...Urgh. It gave me some real knots in my stomach, but in the end, we just felt we should go ahead, and things would be ok somehow. For me, it was extra hard to figure out what I wanted us to do - I haven't been very happy in our new little town. It's pretty here, but I've felt very isolated, and I've especially hated Church here. But then add being pregnant to the mix, and not having a real plan B, it's hard to really decide what to do.

Anyway, as you already know, we ended up buying the practice, and since June 11, we are the proud owners of about $500,000 debt (school debt excluded). Sweet. :) So, it was hard coming back to Burney. While I was in Germany, I really got homesick for, dunno, culture, people, Europe, lots of little things, and if it wouldn't have been for Henry, who knows if I would have gotten on the plane home. I'm glad I did though, because once we were back things have really gotten better. It helped to have a summer full of fun and family. Lots of Henry's siblings came at various times for visits, the pool down the street opened for the summer, and I felt like we were finally meeting some people and having some fun. We've gone on a few trips like Sacramento and Medford, and also San Luis Obispo.

Sophia and Alba get superexcited when we go to a hotel. They jump all over the couches and beds, and just love being there. We usually grab some Thai food on these trips, and then eat at the hotel, which they love as well.

In June, we also found out what we're having - another girl. Which is probably not news anymore. It was news to me though, because I was really sure we'd have a boy. It left us a bit in a bind because we don't have any girl names anymore that we really love. I'm having another ultrasound this Monday though, and I dreamed that our little girl turns out to be a boy after all at this ultra sound. Ha! That'd be funny. In my dream I was really relieved because we had a boy name ready. So, we'll see. The main idea though is to make sure our little baby is ok. She hasn't been a big mover, and in fact, I felt her movements have gotten less and less over the last few weeks rather than stronger. It's made me a little nervous, so the doctor suggested we do another ultrasound just to make sure. So far, nothing indicates that there should be a problem, but you never know, right? This pregnancy has definitely been a different experience than the others. In a way, I've felt barely pregnant - my legs/feet would swell with the others, but with this one -nothing. Anyway, most of the time it's like I barely notice I'm pregnant. Then again, I've gotten REALLY tired in the last month with this baby. I just am so sleepy all the time and it seems that no matter what, I just want to sleep. It turned out that my iron was lower than usual. Now that I've started eating more red meat, and added iron pills, I think things have gotten better, but it's been hard for me to just keep up with things when I feel so tired all the time. Then, to add to the tiredness, I started having these pelvic pains a few weeks ago that make walking, or often even getting up or out of bed really painful. I think I had that with Sophia as well, but at the very end of the pregnancy and not at 26 weeks.

Maybe I'm getting old...

Ok, what else? Practice - so far so good. Everyone really seems to love Henry (no surprise there) and his care, and so far things have gone pretty smoothly. There is still a lot to figure out, learn and possibly improve, but it hasn't been too overwhelming or hard, and usually Henry can still get by with not really working on Fridays, and often even Thursdays. Plenty of family time - which I love.

Another thing going on was Henry's dad having double-bypass surgery a few weeks ago. Henry's sisters were all out here for that, and I think everyone was pretty worried. I was mostly annoyed, because Henry's parents having been very good with taking care of their health for years and years. Henry's dad is diabetic and already lost two toes because of that. He had gotten a pace maker just recently, and so, obviously they're not in great shape. But despite all of that, there is no change in eating/living behavior and it makes me pretty upset. I'm not sure why, but I just had a hard time pitying someone who basically brought the whole thing upon himself.

It's been a strange thing for me. I figure that I'm usually a fairly compassionate person, but at times, I really don't feel any compassion. While Henry's siblings were all worried, and trying to be there for their dad and helpful, I kind of didn't care. I was just angry that everyone had to now be worried and bend themselves over backward for something that could have totally been avoided. In fact, I felt like Henry's dad almost kind of enjoyed having everyone fret over him, instead of maybe changing his ways so that his kids don't have to be afraid of him dying all the time.

Anyway, it made me think a lot about our relationships with parents, and how disconnected I feel from my own parents. I appreciate the good my parents have done for me, but I realize how much anger, pain, anguish I hold towards my own parents for everything that's gone wrong in our relationship, and how frustrating it is to me that the issues we have seem insurmountable. I have worked for years to try to improve my relationship with my mother. Yet, each time I see them, I feel more and more sure that it's a lost cause. We'll never have the relationship I'm hoping for. Even more so, I feel like my relationship with my dad is also not a good one anymore. It's like I can only be one person with them, and showing my true self will only cause problems. So, it's either putting on a facade, dealing with the problems or not having a relationship...

It sucks. And I think seeing Henry's dad in this sickly situation, and seeing how the kids interacted with him, made me realize how deeply affected I am by my relationship (or lack thereof) with my parents. Sigh...

What's next? Church...Church has gotten a wee bit better, I think. I've decided that I really love our RS out here. A lot of the sisters are just really awesome, cool women, and I've gotten surprised more than once by how cool, open-minded and loving these sisters really are. I'm also the RS teacher, which I've really enjoyed, and I think needed. The last year or two have been an interesting spiritual journey. I do think my faith has really changed in some aspects, and I've really struggled with some things to a degree. I still do in a way, but again, I've enjoyed feeling pushed to rely more heavily on the Spirit, to seek a closer relationship with my Heavenly Father and to really figure out what I value in life, in my faith, etc. Anyway, I think being a RS teacher has helped me to read and ponder stuff that I may not have looked at otherwise, and to really give time to nurturing my spiritual side/mind/self? It's been really good so far, and I'm grateful for the calling.

The primary tried to get me into primary as the pianist, but I declined. I told the Bishop I need my RS calling, and that I don't want to give up that one. So, now they have Henry doing the music, and of course, he's freakin' awesome. He brings in the guitar usually and the kids just love what he does. Also, I don't think I'm ready yet to work with the two ladies in the primary. I'm still pretty upset about how they've handled things, and how they continue to handle things in primary and nursery. So, I think I'm not ready to be in primary yet as it is.

And...I think I'll start another post, so this one doesn't get crazy long.