Moments of Panic

Last night, in the middle of the night, Henry told me he's worried. About everything. That he got herpes from the patient he treated, who had herpes in his eye, that I'm coughing and maybe getting sick while pregnant, what to do with the new baby, passing/finishing his VA externship, finishing his research, doing his research, writing his thesis, work, Sophia, feeling sick himself, feeling tired, etc. Poor guy. He's got a lot on his plate, and I feel bad that I can't help much. And then I had to think of my own little moment of panic that day - suddenly feeling nervous and scared about Alba coming. Can I really do this? Everything was so easy with Sophia, and I know I can't realistically expect that to happen again - do I really remember how to take care of an infant? What if she cries a lot? What if she won't sleep? What if I've forgotten how to nurse, or she won't nurse well? What if her personality is such that she won't like me as her mom? What if what if what if? I don't know why I got scared all of a sudden. After all, we've been wanting this so badly, and have been waiting for little Alba to join us for so long. But there it was - suddenly I got scared and nervous and unsure.

And then when you and your hubby are laying awake in the middle of the night in bed, all worried, scared and nervous, it's so nice to just have someone there to hug and hold tight.