Due

Today, our little baby would have been 'due'. I was kind of sad all day thinking about that, and thinking how wonderful it would be to hold a little baby in my arms right now. It made me miss that little one, but I have to say it has definitely helped immensely to be pregnant again. I have been dreading this day coming up with maybe me not being pregnant, and I just know it would have been so much more painful. Now, I'm comforted knowing there is one on the way, though it somehow doesn't make the waiting easier. Actually, I think today it was just harder. I wanted to have a little baby NOW and not next year. Next year sounds so far away. It also brought up questions again I still haven't figured out for myself - like what status those little babies have (was there a spirit, did this count as 'life', will that spirit come back in other body, etc). Some people have asked me what I think we're having, and I just don't know. Last time I felt so strongly that we'd have another girl coming. And now, I don't really feel anything - maybe because I still haven't figured out whether that lost little baby is coming back to us in another little body, or not....or...anywhere. I figure we'll have a girl, but who knows. So, today that confusion is back. That uncertainty of what really happens to those tiniest and earliest of lives that no one really talks about. And I wonder.

And ironically enough, today I've been the most nauseated I think I've been this whole pregnancy. At some point today I was ready to really complain about it, but Henry pointed out that it beats having a miscarriage, and I agree. I just feel bad when I have no desire or energy to do anything for anyone and I just kind of ignore Sophia and let her roam free. This lack of...desire is also why I probably haven't posted much on here, or really responded much to anyone in any way. But, I take this as a good sign and that this little one is thriving. Which makes this a day of gratitude and happiness as well as sadness for me.

Ok, enough of that. Due is also some tribute. Henry rode in the OSU Pelotonia yesterday. This is a cancer research fundraiser bike ride, and Henry raised $700 for this. The whole thing started off with a big party on Friday, where the Counting Crows were playing, and very delicious food was served. We weren't able to join Henry right away, because of a "one guest" rule only (and Sophia and I would be 2). But, later one we got in, and Sophia was going crazy with dance moves on the grass. It was really hilarious, except that it made me wonder what to expect in 14 years. It looks like we may have a serious party girl on our hands. Anyway, yesterday, Henry rode 102 miles from Columbus to Athens in only 6 hours - a really good time for someone who doesn't bike regularly. And he left the guys who rode with him from our ward in the dust by about 1.5 hours. It was really fun to meet him at the finish line and cheer him on. Good times! Unfortunately we found out that one of the riders yesterday died after being hit by a car. So, that put a bit of a damper on this great event. Other than that though I'm so excited for Henry's achievement, and the fun we had being part of this!





Sophia also loves to ride. She does enjoy biking big time, but here is a picture of her other riding passion. Do you notice the book she's looking at?