To move away from the nasty tick picture, and back to the topic of sexuality (which is such a fun topic), what do you think of this article? Do you think it would be better to make 'losses' in the 'no sex before marriage' department if we can cut teen pregnancies, abortions and STD's or should we keep trying to promote the 'whole package' (keep promoting abstinence to avoid premarital sex and all the pitfalls that come along with it). Or, what do you think is the problem that causes the differences between the US and Europe (maybe it's not sex ed etc. at all, but other underlying societal problems)? Here's the article link: http://advfy.nonprofitsoapbox.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=407&Itemid=177
My personal suspicion is that the difference lies in the level of religiosity. Since Europe is not due to religion, as morally opposed to premarital sex as more religious people are in the US, sexuality is handled differently, and when you're good and ready and feel mature enough, it's not a big deal to use contraceptives (birth control pills etc.). I would imagine that it's a bigger deal here, especially with families who don't want their kids to have sex (but maybe fail in promoting this successfully with their kids. I mean, don't most Christian churches teach marital sex only, and still most kids in those churches seems to have sex, with a few exceptions?). Just my thoughts...
Tell me what you think!
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13 comments:
This is a great topic. I have a more liberal view. I am going to teach my daughters that sex before marriage is morally wrong, and will not bring them happiness in the long run. However, if they are going to sleep with their boyfriend, I want them to use birth control. It is not fair to a baby to be brought into this world by a single or teenage mother. If they get an STD, that would be very sad, but that is a consequence that only effects them, not an innocent little baby. Still, I obviously would prefer if they used a condom.
This makes me think of the vaccine Guardasil, which protects against some strains of HPV, an STD that causes cervical cancer. I plan on vaccinating my girls. Some people think it makes it easier to be promiscuous. I don't agree. Should they be punished for the rest of their lives for one bad night? What if their future husband makes a mistake?
It is sad when people think that if they have had premarital sex, their life as a good Mormon is over. I believe in repentance.
link doesn't work...
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Just copy and paste it then, and it'll work.
Hmm... I must be a discussion killer...
hahaha...no, maybe people are tired of sex talk. Haha.
Thoughts:
1. US poverty rate is higher, and impoverished people tend to have higher teen pregnancy rates.
2. Parents of teens often come from religious backgrounds but aren't that religious anymore. Since "everyone is doing it," they have a hard time teaching their kids about responsible sex.
3. For some reason (Brittany Spears example), some young girls think it's cool to have a baby while in HS.
4. Some girls think that having a baby will solve their wishes of wanting to be loved (because babies are good at that).
5. Some moms ask their girls to go have a baby for them...because they're too old to have one. On a similar note, girls have babies and then her parents raise the child...where is the responsibility in that?
6. Some girls grow up in religious homes and communities and when put in a hot and heavy situation, just have a hard time saying no. Since it was unexpected (because they weren't supposed to by their religion), they weren't prepared with birth control or condoms.
7. Some girls think the best way to secure that boy that they like is to have his baby.
8. Media portrayals sure don't help much. And neither does "news" articles in newspapers and magazines. So, back to the parent thing, it makes parents think that everyone is doing it, so they are less likely to be firm about what they feel is best and really right.
I've known people in each of these circumstances...except 1.
I like how Bob taught his boys...if you get a girl pregnant, she and the baby are your responsibility. That scared Rob enough and encouraged him to keep the commandments in that regard. He probably had the same talk with his girls.
I agree with your friend. I believe in the power of repentance. But I also have seen the long-term effects of pre-marital sex...child and no child involved (two different friends). It shatters self esteem, future dreams, and really breaks down whatever testimony is there. Repentance is a great thing. It works. But still, the most responsible thing to do is wait until marriage (for the kid) and to condone it (as a parent) by letting the child know what consequences can/may/will happen. But of course, still love them no matter what.
I thought Angie's #6 was a good point. Teen's taught to abstain, won't prepare for "what if" I kiss so long and passionately that I find it increasingly hard to stop. Maybe part of the sex ed we (as promoters of abstinence) should try to show our kids the consequences of premarital sex and then try to help them prepare for or prevent that "what if" situation.
One of the things that really kept me in check was my Mom's advice that sex links people together and when it's done without a marital commitment it often drives people apart. I think teens understand reasoning like that. I did.
The underlying feeling I get is that I need to be open and un-squeamish when talking about sex with my kids. I think the only way to have any effect is for them to really trust me and Fran. I think that's why my parents had such an effect on us.
Maybe we should just show our kids the sexually transmitted disease pictures in our disease texts. Learning about all the horrible things that come from HIV/AIDs and STDs makes abstinence much more attractive.
This might be a little out there, but I think that most teenagers are having sex merely because they enjoy the the practice, but because their peers are doing it and they want to feel like they belong. Any teenager who is significantly different from his peers is going to lose status within the group, and to a teenager, loss of status is a painful experience that is far more "real" than any hypothetical pregnancy or STD.
The reason why abstinence-only education is said not to work is because it is adults that are delivering the message and teenagers are seeking to distinguish themselves from adults. So, guess what? Detailed education about contraceptives isn't going to work either. And from what I read, it doesn't. Because, most teenagers think that what adults have to say is completely irrelevant to their lives.
I think the thing is to teach our children to recognize groupthink and instead think for themselves, to respect themselves and not to hand over the control of their bodies to the hive. If that doesn't work, somehow make sure that your kid's peer group regards chastity as the norm. Not sure how to do that, though. Any ideas?
I meant "not merely because they enjoy the practice." That's pretty confusing otherwise.
Good thoughts so far. Henry said I should clarify my own thoughts that are a little confusingly expressed. My thoughts were that teenage pregnancy and sexual activity ages are different in Europe as a result of religion. People don't feel that it's morally wrong (even if they are religious), to engage in premarital sex. So, since there is no moral pressure, I think teenagers are more likely to prepare themselves for sexuality with contraceptives like birth control. I think, in the US, where many kids are not supposed to have sex as a result of religious views, kids are less likely to ask/prepare with contraceptives, and are often 'caught in the moment'.
I think Julie has a good point with the groupthink. I definitely think that is a huge problem, if not the biggest problem. However, you would then assume that teenage pregnancy would be lower in places were the group think (the trend) is for abstinence or no premarital sex. For example, you would think that in Utah, with very high numbers of teenagers who don't believe in premarital sex, teenage pregnancy etc. would be very low. However, it's only minimally lower than for the rest of the US, and I would say that the inability to control teenage hormones has definitely something to do with that. While I think peer pressure may be a huge factor, I think sexual urges are still a reality that plays into teenage pregnancies.
I've been thinking about how to tackle those sexuality problems with my kids later on. I definitely want them to feel comfortable to discuss sexual matters with us parents any time. I want them to be well informed on sexuality, pitfall, problems certain choices can cause (STD's, pregnancy, etc.). I want them to know how it all works, and I think I'd also teach them about birth control. But, hopefully, I'll be most successful in teaching them how and why it's important to wait until they are married, and how to handle sexuality in a healthy way. I think while I'd be honest about birth control, I'd also want them to know that there will be serious consequences when you overstep the boundaries of morality -with or without birth control. Even if they averted serious physical consequences, there will be psychological and spiritual consequences.
And of course, I would always hope that our kids have learned/will learn to think for themselves!!!! I think one thing I cherished the most about having grown up as the single Mormon in my home town in Germany was the fact that I had to learn to think for myself, and that my beliefs and actions were challenged a lot. I really had to figure out what I believed and choose to stand up for it or not...I also loved that most of my friends and most people respected me for the choices I made.
I think this is a great topic. And even though I don't have any kids I do worry about this topic because of my calling in yw.
I think one of the things that definitely will help is to have open communication. And probably also to have a family where physical affections are expressed in the right way. Hopefully then the kids will see that physical love can be expressed in many ways (hugs, kisses) and not just sex.
The other thing that I hope could also help is to share with them that sexual feelings are ok. Everyone has them. And they are very powerful.God created us that way. But because of that we need to be careful how to use it.
And i totally agree with the helping your child to think for themselves. Sometimes I really wonder how my yw make it in this world. They must be so alone at times with the standards they have. And I think that is why it is so much more important that they have a good home and good friends in church that will help them not feel alone and loved.
Julie,
I wonder if making our homes a place where our kids would want to hang out and/or bring their friends might be a good way to get to know the "hive". Maybe just having that awkward "sex talk" my Dad always tried having with us as kids would help. He always tried to have an open question session with us. It helped to have my brothers there with us.
I think your point about peer pressure is valid though. I think the pressure doesn't only come from peers but television, ads, magazines, music, any media. The idea that sleeping with your boyfriend or girlfriend is what you do if you love them pervades every bit of our society.
Henry
P.S. I think we need to take a really active role warning our kids of the dangers of not just mob mentality but all the things out there that try to grab our attention. I think that is why we hear so much about pornography in the general conferences of the church.
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