It's official...

I am the world's worst mom. I had a sneaky feeling before Sophia was born that that's what I'd end up being, but today confirmed it for me. Well, ok, since some mothers beat their children or starve them, maybe I am not the worst, just the second worst. What happened? Let me tell you...

Let me start by saying that Sophia all in all really is a mellow little girl, who rarely is fussy or cries. She really is very easy, so easy probably that I am getting totally spoiled. Last Saturday Sophia was kind of cranky in the morning. I couldn't figure out what was wrong, and was getting increasingly frustrated. She also was giving me a hard time when I tried to feed her some solids, and so eventually I just gave up, was annoyed, and got ready to drive somewhere with my mom. While we were in the car, Sophia suddenly started crying, and I was just getting annoyed again, because I couldn't figure out why she was so unhappy. I thought she was just being grumpy for no reason (since marvelous me couldn't find one). Well, when I turned to look at her, I saw that she had thrown up all over herself, the car seat, the car, everywhere...I was pretty sure that it was throw up, but she only threw up that one time, I wasn't sure. Now fast forward to today.

I hadn't slept much last night, and was really tired today when Sophia woke up at 7am (I had been up most of the night, having night mares etc.) . Well, she again started being cranky again, and tired me really didn't have much patience dealing with her. As the day progressed, we had a similar scenario like Saturday - cranky Sophia, nothing seemed to console her, she wouldn't go to sleep, she wasn't eating well, spit stuff out, made a mess, kept crying, wasn't happy. And what did I do? I got more and more annoyed, and so frustrated that eventually I just grabbed her and took her to her crib to let her cry herself to sleep. Ok, not quite. After 5 minutes or so, I had calmed down some and tried to comfort her - to no avail. Eventually she ended up in her crib again, whimpering herself to sleep. I felt crappy, tired, and frustrated for not having patience and not knowing how to deal with her better. Well, I have to say, I sure didn't feel better when she suddenly woke up from her nap she had barely started throwing up. Then she threw up again, and again, and it just kept coming till there was nothing left. Then she was just dry heaving, spitting up stomach acids etc. It was awful. She got so pale, and eventually just lay white and limp in my arms like a little ghost. Then she'd heave again, cry, trying to get the vomit up and out. And to top it off amongst all the puking, she also had a huge blow-out, and I had to somehow get the poopy clothes off, while she was puking, and...It was such a mess, and it was sooooooo sad to see my baby like this. I just had to cry for my little baby being so sick...and then I felt like a really horrible person, having so little patience, being so tough and heartless. I honestly think I am the worst mom ever...I mean, I could see how I had no clue on Saturday, but this time I should have known better.

So, I think it's official.