Motherhood

I've written on this topic before. Well, here's another blog just to say I love being a mother. Of course, I thought I'd like being a mom or we wouldn't have chosen to have kids, but I don't think I really knew how much I'd love it. I just really enjoy being with my little daughter, and taking care of her. It's great and I can't imagine doing something more fun. I realize I wasted a lot of time worrying about things that really became meaningless the second I saw my daughter. Today I remembered when we saw Sophia moving around and all during our second ultra sound. I saw her little head, arms and feet, and her kicking and failing her arms. I was in love then, and missed seeing her from that point forward. It's so great to have her with us and it feels so normal and natural, like it's always been like this. How wonderful.

Last night, she was really fussy because she was very tired, and struggled calming herself down to be able to fall asleep. I had tried several times to get her to sleep, and she had just woken up again, and was crying in her crib. When I heard her cry (yet again), I was getting a little frustrated and thought I'll just let her cry. But then (because I don't believe in letting my baby cry), I got up thinking that if she cries she has a need or a problem. Right now she's struggling to figure out how to calm down and sleep, and my job as a mom who loves her is to help her accomplish this task. I went and picked her up, and she immediately calmed down, and then fell asleep in my arm. When she was asleep in my arm, I looked at her, and she had a big smile on her face. At that moment all my frustration washed away. I thought how much she must love feeling safe, and cozy and loved, and how that probably eased all her tensions and stress. I loved her so much in that moment and was so glad I could be her little safe haven. I put her down in her crib, and she slept fine from that moment on. I realized I've been entrusted with something so special.

For the next few years, I'll be there to teach her and guide her, and raise her up. But one day, she'll be older and wiser, maybe wiser than me. I won't have all the answers anymore. We will be on more equal footing, and look to each other for support and love. I thought of her today, in my arms, so helpless. But one day I may be in her arms, all helpless. I realized I'm her mother, but I think down the road it'll be much more than that, or so I hope. I feel more like this is a soul I've loved for so long, who belongs into my life, just as Henry does - not just because of biology, but because of special bonds we'll share. I don't know how to describe it and realize it may sound odd.

I love being a mother.